Empty Apartment
by sevenpuddings
Summary: One shot, song fic. Maddie and Luke face a break up. Expect angst and drama.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Home and Away or the song Empty Apartment. I'm just borrowing both for a bit. Enjoy.

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**Empty Apartment**

"Why don't you tell me what you REALLY think about me Lucas Holden?" Maddie screamed in my face. Thank god we were the only two home, otherwise we'd have had an audience within seconds. Luckily, Maddie and I had become skilled at hiding out arguments. Our imperfections.

Until today.

"You didn't have a problem yelling at me infront of EVERYONE at school today Luke…" I winced as she used her pet name for me. Even that stung.

"So why are you all Mr. Mute now?" She continued to scream. "Why can't you look me in the eyes and tell me what a controlling, back stabbing, bitchy excuse for a girlfriend, heh, girl, I am?" She yelled, her face red, a mixture of anger, frustration, pain and sadness.

I had done this all to her.

It seemed to be the only thing we did these days. While she says one thing, I think another. It's like we're always playing hide and seek with one another, playing with each other's minds, playing with our own hearts. For so long we were the go between's for Cassie and Ric. Their confidants, the comforters, their allies. And now, when we're no longer living in their shadow, we are no better than they were.

We never talk any more. We never tell each other what we're thinking. Somewhere along the line, we stopped sharing with one another. Somewhere along the line, we hid behind everything that was familiar, and just, stopped trying to be us.

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Luke had that look on his face again. The look that I'd seen so often lately. The look that said, I'm too tired to fight with Maddie, but what else can I do… what else can I do to keep this act up?

Something came out of my throat then. Something between a strangled cry and a sob. And Luke looked at me, with that look on his face. The look that said I don't want to bother with this right now. I never want to bother with this.

Why was he always making me feel like I wasn't good enough any more? Always cutting me down before I had a chance to stand on my own two feet. Maybe it was because we'd spoke less, and screamed more. Spent less time together, and more time apart. Spent less time kissing, laughing, having fun, and more time fuming, angry, storming off in opposite directions after our latest screaming match.

Sometimes I wondered if he even remembered the beginning. Sometimes I wondered if I even remembered the beginning.

He was still looking. And my eyes were beginning to sting from the tears I'd held back all day. The tear's I'd refused to let spill. I didn't think he deserved my tears, but they always came, just like a command, every time we were facing one another like this.

Then, another look crossed his face. His tired, peacemaking look. He walked towards me, his arms stretched out, ready to engulf me. I closed my eyes, knowing that if I just accepted his embrace, knowing that if I just let him touch me, then we would pretend like this had never happened… and that was a tempting, somewhat idealistic dream.

But as his hands touched my cheeks, wiping away the tears that a combination of he and I had caused, I shrank away from his touch, before whispering "We can't keep doing this. We're like a train wreck waiting to happen."

And then, I ran.

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Her words were hauntingly quiet.

"_We can't keep doing this. We're like a train wreck waiting to happen."_

Barely a whisper, but so much strength, so much pain, so much sorrow was hidden between these words.

A train wreck. That's what we were to her. Something that only caused pain and horror, never happiness or joy.

And I simply watched her run away from this. From us. I didn't follow. Lately, I hadn't even considered following Maddie. It was all just too much. In the beginning, I would've gone to the moon and back for that girl. In the beginning, there were moments of tenderness, now there were moments of aggression.

There had been butterflies in my stomach every time I faced her. Thousands of tiny flutters as I caught her eye and smiled. Now, every time I caught her eye, the pit of my stomach dropped a bit lower. And facing her became a bit harder.

Everything had changed. How did we let things just change? Had it really been that unnoticeable? Had we really thought we were that untouchable? That together we really that perfect?

If we ever did, surely we weren't now.

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We'd changed over the course of the year. We'd altered, we weren't the same people we once more. Yet we tried so hard to try and make this work. To pretend that we were still the same. We'd been kidding ourselves, I thought bitterly, wiping away another fresh batch of tears that had been created. Kidding ourselves to think we could really make this work.

Nothing is ever _that_ perfect.

I sighed sadly, knowing what I must now go and face. Or knowing know what I was going to face. I couldn't help it. I had held on tight to that dream of perfection. Of eternal happiness. Even when everything was crumbling slowly around me, I held onto hope.

Now, as I reached the living room, that hope crumbled once again with one look into Luke's eyes.

He opened his mouth, about to say something, but I held up my hand, silently willing him to stop. To let me get everything out.

"We've been stupid, to let it go on this long." I began, looking everywhere in the room but into Luke's eyes. Because in them I might find something to hold onto to. And I knew he didn't want that.

"It's right for us, Luke. To be apart. Thing's aren't right when we're together. In fact, I can't remember a time recently when things have been right for us. Things were never really right for us, because we never really gave us a chance. Always a go between in relationships, never actually participating in our own. I've forgotten why we even started in the first place." I finished, my voice letting out a strangled cry, before I ran from the room again, knowing that neither of us was ready to face one another. Not now.

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It had been weeks. Weeks of nothing. No words, no looks, just stolen glances. She's become like an ice queen. She was perfect on the outside, all smiles and laughter in all the right places. But on the inside, who knew any more? Her eyes had become unreadable. They'd become cold and distant and never really fully there.

Was it all because of me? I could hardly tell any more. It's not as if we acknowledged anything had ever happened in the start, let alone the end. We simply ignored that part of our lives, pretending as if it never existed for us.

I'd ended up spending more time with Belle and Ric. Well, Belle at school, Ric out of school. But there was always a doubt lingering at the back of my mind that something wasn't right. There was always that threat of being that third wheel too.

They'd talked about setting me up. But I kept telling them I was fine just being me for a while. I was still really trying to figure out who me was. That was why I stayed away from blind dates, I continued to tell myself. I continued to believe that the day she had walked out, telling me that she couldn't remember why we began in the first place, that was the day I left all memories of my life with Matilda Hunter behind.

I continued to believe that was the day I left behind that place that she held still in my heart.

But every so often, I'd cast my mind back to that day. That day we'd been honest. Well, she'd been honest, and truthful, and there had been something hidden behind her blue eyes. Something that I could never understand, maybe because she had never let me, maybe because she refused to that day. But when I looked into those eyes, it had been like waking up for the first time in months.

And when I watched her, I would find myself wondering what she was thinking. Whether she'd left everything behind just as I had. Whether it leaves a dull, aching pain in her stomach when she ever looks at me.

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We'd just walk by one another in hallways. Sometimes, there was an occasional glance that was cut off quickly by both of us. Sometimes I'd stare after him, long after he'd gone. Sometimes, I feel his eyes watching my every move. Judging me. Just as he had weeks ago.

I tried to keep my mind occupied. Tried to stop it from drifting to him, tried to stop it asking questions about him and what he was doing, whether he'd noticed any changes in me. Whether he saw the changes in himself.

He didn't smile or laugh any more. Not even with Belle. He just looked randomly at things, or nodded his head when Belle said something.

Maybe it had nothing to do with that day. Maybe I just imagined that I saw in his eyes, something breaking, like something had broken within me. It was possible, I'd imagined many a thing with Lucas Holden, dreamed of things that were yet to come, dreamed of futures that were all shinny and happy.

Maybe… another hallway glance. But this one turns into a stare. As we both stop, eyes locked with one another. He's trying to break my icy exterior; I'm trying to get past his vagueness. We stand as if the world has stopped for us. People are undeterred, they continue to walk past us, but we continue to stare.

Then it all becomes painstakingly clear. For both of us.

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Months have passed now. We're all clinking glasses in celebration of a new couple, a new union.

My dad, and her mum.

The smile, they laugh, he whispers sweet nothings in her ear, and Maddie and I stand next to one another, forced her together because of our parents. Here together, willingly, because we love our parents.

Everyone is dancing. Everyone is laughing. It's infectious for me. Suddenly, without thinking, I've pulled Maddie out onto the dance floor, just as the DJ chooses a slow song to be played. Shrugging her shoulders, as if to say, 'why not?' I put one arm around her waist, pulling her close, while I put the other one up, waiting for her to take it.

One hand slowly moves over the shoulder, while the other curls into my hand. A near perfect fit.

Nothing is perfect in this life though.

We sway in silence; each lost in our own world. Her eyes still ice cold, my eyes however, have found their spark again. I look around, and catch the eye of one of Belle's friends. She smiles at me and I smile back, and then, as the dance ends, I thank Maddie before letting go of her waist and walking over to join Ric, Belle and Belinda.

We're all smiles and laughs, I'm all smiles and laughs, and slowly, surely, the world has become whole again. The feeling crept up on me. But as I take Belinda's hand and lead her to the dance floor, everything seems okay.

Of course, her hand isn't anywhere near a perfect fit as Maddie's, but I smile at her all the same. Too preoccupied to notice Maddie slip away into the cool evening air.

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I watched Luke laugh with her, and realise that I'd really been replaced. Even after he'd danced with me, I'd keep my eyes as cool as ice, refusing to show him even the faintest glimmer of hope. Refusing to feel even the faintest glimmer of hope.

He'd forgotten. Managed to move past the laughter and the tears and the gut-wrenching pain that seared every time our eyes locked. Managed to move past the memories. Managed to move on. Without me.

I cover my mouth, hoping to contain the strangled sob of heartbreak that threatened to be released, but as I reach up to my mouth, I realise that a steady stream of tears is already flowing heavily, continuously.

And finally, after months of shutting the pain out, I let it flow through me. Flow fast and hard through my veins. I let the pain overwhelm my body, as I fell into a heap on the beach, curled up into a ball and sobbed. Huge, loud sobs full of heartache and misery.

I had refused to admit for months, that I loved Luke more than anything in this world. And now that I had, I had felt my heart break into thousands of tiny shards, as images of Luke smiling, of Luke touching that girl danced across my eyes, a final dagger deep into my heart.

I had destroyed myself. Destroyed Luke and I, and in doing so, destroyed myself. So much so, that I could feel the faint pulse of pain over my entire body. I lay down on the beach, still crying, still shaking, and shut my eyes, wishing every ounce of pain to flow away, like the tides, like the wind.

Then I felt arms pull me up towards a chest. Then flashes of light, before a soft bed. Then, one simple image, that made my tears subside, my body calm, my mind ease.

Luke.

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AN: Complete dribble. Empty Apartment is my favourite Yellowcard song, and I was inspired to do some late night writing. Not my best, that's for sure. It kinda goes with the lyrics. I recommend you listen to the song if you haven't already, its brilliant. Got me through a tough time with a male last year… but more about that when you're older! Any how, read and review.


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